I Still
by plentysaid
Summary: SONGFIC. Lawrence escaped the bathroom, the jigsaw games have ended and he thought about Adam daily - about leaving him to die. He still needs Adam; Adam needs him. Will they ever tell each other?


_I Still... – The Backstreet Boys._

_Who are you now? Are you still the same?  
Or did you change somehow?  
What do you do,  
At this very moment when I think of you?  
And when I'm looking back  
How we were young and stupid  
Do you remember that?_

Years had passed since Lawrence was trapped in the bathroom; his mind was still plagued with his memories of that room – of the events that had got him there, and the events that had taken place in there. One memory came to mind every night, every time his eyes closed, he could still hear the screaming, the fear in his eyes, and the lie you told him: Adam Faulkner. The young voyeur that he had neglected to save because he was trying to save himself and get to his family – his beloved daughter Diana and Alison, who, after Lawrence was nursed back to health, asked for a divorce which Lawrence agreed to.

But, even then Adam was on his mind, he wondered if he could go back there now, if the building was open for the public or if it was still a crime scene. Of all the reports Lawrence had seen of the jigsaw killings, he had not seen or heard Adam's name. None of the survivors, none of the corpses – like he never existed as he had learned from Adam – he could blend into the walls.

Often, Lawrence wondered what would happen if Adam had gotten out like he was supposed to – what the young man would be doing now. He'd still be taking pictures, no less, he wondered whether or not he'd be following people for cash still, or if he would be a proper photographer.

Lawrence found himself wondering around the city on his days off, searching for glimpses of Adam – of what he could be now.

A flash hit him from the side and Lawrence turned quickly, staring at an old camera, soft hands holding it, being held by a slim man in beaten up jeans and a baggy grey hoodie. Lawrence frowned; it couldn't be – could it?

"Last time I took a picture of you, you didn't bother to check who took it, Larry," the camera was pulled from his face and the face that had been staring back at him in his dreams – his nightmares – was in front of him.

"Adam."

_No matter how I fight it  
Can't deny it  
Just can't let you go._

Adam looked down when Lawrence said his name; he hadn't forgiven Lawrence for just leaving him there. He'd been there for a day before someone had come to rescue him, he'd manage to find his way to the hospital to get his shoulder treated. But he'd learned his lesson.

Lawrence took Adam to grab a coffee; the younger man had pulled out a cigarette and held it between his lips without lighting it, just watching Lawrence as he sipped his coffee. Lawrence started to tell him about what had happened to him when he had gotten out of the bathroom, about his family. Adam didn't mean to sound so snide when he asked if what he had now was worth it – they both knew that Adam was asking something deeper – was asking whether or not it was worth leaving Adam to rot, but he couldn't answer that question, because it wasn't.

"What about you? How did you... What have you been doing?"

"You mean, after you left me to die? I found out that I have a bullet lodged in my shoulder and if they try to remove it they run the risk of paralysing me, I also found out that hospital bills are expensive."

"Still as defensive as ever, I see," Lawrence sighed, staring at Adam's camera.

"I've changed," Adam breathed. "I... I learnt my lesson. Did... Did you?" Lawrence nods, avoiding Adam's stare. After moments, Adam stands up, "I'm late for work." He picked his camera up, putting it on his shoulder and staring at Lawrence. "Good to see you again, Larry." He sighed, turning from the older man.

"Wait. Adam!" As Lawrence stood to follow the younger man, he had already disappeared into the crowds of people that had formed on the streets and probably out of Lawrence's life forever once more.

_I still need you  
I still care about you  
Though everything's been said and done  
I still feel you  
Like I'm right beside you  
But still no word from you._

He hurried away from Lawrence, he didn't know what to say, he was still the same fucked up person he had been the day they had met for the first time. The only difference was that he had what he would class as a 'real job' now rather than being someone's informant. Though it was tempting – it was always so tempting – to go back to his old live, on the side of his real life, to go back to following people, he missed the rush he used to get from trying not to get caught. He never got caught, though, did Adam, he was good at what he did.

Seeing Lawrence again made the feeling of need become even stronger, from when he had screamed out for Lawrence not to leave him in there, to now, when he really did need him, he hated how seeing him made his mind work overtime, a cacophony of situations filling his imagination, he had let his mind wonder a lot when he had been sat in the bathroom – wondering whether or not Lawrence would come back, and if he did, what would happen then? Would they go their separate ways and never know of each other again? Or would they share some sort of bond – survivors of a game that was to change their lives. They had been changed, hadn't they?

Adam didn't think he had changed that much – not after he had seen Lawrence again. He wanted to go and find out where he was, follow him and be there.

Every night, Lawrence was in his dreams, he hadn't been able to stop himself screaming out his name – not after all this time. He could see one thing – him sawing through his leg, him holding the pistol to him, giving him his death sentence that he couldn't fulfil.

"_You have to die," he was frightened, his eyes were wide, sobbing and pleading for him not to do it._

"_Please. I want to live! I want to live!" his hands in front of him, his eyes closed as he tried to shield himself from the bullet that was going to be used on him soon._

His scream pierced through Lawrence's sleep, his body was drenched in sweat, his mind was reeling with thoughts of Adam once more. He wiped his face, sitting up and looking around at the darkness. He squinted through the darkness as he did every night, a glimpse of hope that he could see Adam, but no. Never could he see him. He got dressed into a pair of sweats and a hoodie and made his way out into the night air as he tried to forget about the nightmares – about seeing Adam, and about focusing on this weekend when he would get to see his Diana – the only thing that mattered to him at the moment.

The only thing that he told himself that mattered to him – Adam was the second most important thing in his life. After the glimpse of the young boy today, he realised he'd probably never see him again. He needed to see him.

_Now look at me  
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see  
That I keep coming back  
And I'm stuck in a moment  
That wasn't meant to last._

Lawrence searched for Adam. After their meeting, he had searched for him, and he had found out through doing this that he wasn't good at it. The weekend he was supposed to have with Diana, he had cancelled, he wouldn't see her for another two weeks, he was determined on finding him to tell him that they needed to talk, properly, instead of a two minute coffee.

When he wasn't successful, Lawrence had given up; he had deemed that Adam didn't want to be found, and that the two of them having that brief 'catch up' was all they would ever have.

He found his way to the old warehouse, it was boarded up, crime scene tape still strewn across the place, it had been like this since they had found a police officer trapped inside the bathroom – the last game to be played they had stated. He made his way inside, despite what would happen if he was caught, he sucked on his bottom lip and made his way down the stairs, through the darkened corridors and down to the bathroom, he pushed the door open slowly, turning the lights on, watching strip-by-strip turn on, he jumped when he saw Adam sat there, in the corner, resting against the wall, his eyes blinking and adjusting to the light and watching as Lawrence moved closer to him, he perched himself on the bath and sat with him in silence, waiting for Adam to break the silence.

"You've never come back before, have you?" Lawrence shook his head, looking around the room slowly.

"I do... A lot." He whispers, looking down at him and Lawrence asked why. "Because I need to be here," Lawrence didn't understand. Adam didn't want to explain to him that this was where he felt closest to Lawrence.

_Wish I could find you  
Just like you found me  
Then I would never let you go._


End file.
